You're so Vain: Narcissists at Work

Son of a gun

You walked into the party [organisation] like you were walking onto a yacht

Your hat strategically dipped below one eye Y

our scarf it was apricot

You had one eye in the mirror, as you watched yourself gavotte

And all the girls [other employees] dreamed that they'd be your partner

They'd be your partner and

You're so vain

You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain (you're so vain)

I bet you think this song is about you

Don't you, don't you?

You’re So Vain by Carly Simon

We’ve all met a narcissist at work.  Someone who is (often) charming, charismatic and intelligent, and have great ideas and vision and push people to follow them.

But they can also lack empathy, have no remorse and can leave a trail of destruction in their path – from alienating co-workers through to intimidating and bullying subordinates and creating a toxic work environment.  When things go well, it was entirely their doing, but when it falls apart, it was the rest of the team’s fault, external circumstances…..anything to avoid responsibility.  This sort of behaviour can result in manipulation, gaslighting and lying to protect their own standing.

This sort of behaviour is beyond self-promotion or speaking positively about one’s achievements.  This behaviour is about someone who is skilled at ascertaining what drives another employee and then manipulating it in their favour.  This is the type of person who, if you show any disloyalty, will push someone to “get back on the bus” i.e. their way of thinking, and if not, will make it clear that they will destroy you in some way.

The narcissist needs attention and to be adored, and when this has not occurred, then will retaliate and lash out, with the aim to hurt and to get the other employee to surrender.

Consequences in the workplace

Staff that work around a narcissist can feel a range of emotions.  On one hand there are great highs – when the narcissist promises the world, gives pay rises, dangles a promotion, gives gifts and gives high praise about you to others.  Then there are the great lows – when they berate and belittle, engage in “odd” behaviour, make comments that chip away at your self-esteem.  This increases stress, impacts productivity, makes people feel intimidated and threatened and results in staff going off sick or leaving the workplace and even bringing legal claims.

What can employers do about it?

With an increased focus on employers providing a safe workplace and managing psychosocial risks, employers simply cannot Let it Be (see our blog Let It Be: When your star performer is a jerk).

Employers must take action.  A starting point is to ensure that you have a clear contract, code of conduct, behaviour guidelines or policy that people have to comply with.  It may also be useful to review job descriptions to ensure that there are appropriate boundaries for all staff so that they are not expected to pander to a narcissist whenever they demand it.  The right to disconnect, which became law in August 2024, may also require staff to have clear boundaries around having to deal with a narcissist out of hours (see our blog Ring Ring Ring: The Right to Disconnect).

Are there enough incidents to warrant an investigation into the incidents? Often it is a bundle of seemingly small and insignificant actions that together amount to a concerning pattern, rather than one single obvious incident.  In considering whether you should do a formal investigation or a fact finding query and who should conduct an investigation, have a look at our blog What’s Up? Do I need to conduct an investigation?.

Alternatively, if staff are not willing to come forward, but there is certainly something wrong with a particular team or a particular leader, or people are only willing to say something anonymously for fear of retribution, then a culture review of the team may be an option.  Considerations for a culture review are set out in our blog Never Tear Us Apart: Workplace Culture Reviews.  We also outline what is bullying behaviour in our blog: You’re the Captain and I am no one: Workplace Bullying.

What are your options?

Depending on the seriousness of the narcissist’s behaviour, an employer can respond with anything from a coaching conversation through to disciplinary action.  This could include final warnings, a demotion, taking away people management responsibilities or withholding a bonus.  Often in serious cases, if an investigation finds that behaviour that is not in line with expectations has occurred, or even bullying behaviour has occurred, then termination of employment is a possible outcome.

It is always a challenge to deal with a narcissist.  Many of these conversations may be challenging and problematic.  However, an employer has an obligation to provide a safe workplace for all employees, and no one employee should be considered so vain as to be “untouchable”.

You're so vain

You probably think this song is about you

You're so vain, you're so vain

I bet you think this song is about you

Don't you don't you, don't you?

Remotely Legal can assist employers and boards on all aspects of employment law, including advising on difficult people issues, reviewing policies and assisting with enterprise bargaining.  Remotely Legal can train your boards and management teams on how to deal with incidents and investigations.  Remotely Legal can also be your fully outsourced HR and people legal team.

RL Investigations, part of Remotely Legal, are a team of highly experienced and qualified lawyers and investigators, who can function as your independent, external investigation team providing fast, comprehensive and reliable investigation reports, workplace culture reviews and suggestions for organisational improvement. RL Investigations can also help your internal HR or investigation team to improve their investigations and assist decision makers in considering the right factors when making key decisions.

This blog is general advice only.  Please obtain legal advice in relation to your specific circumstances.  This blog was written by a human so please seek permission if you wish to copy any of it.